Should you judge a book by its cover…

What my reading pile says about me

"It's been ages since I last saw someone reading a physical book in the waiting room," my coach said as we walked into our session this week. "What's it about?" she asked… and in that moment the classic stumble began as I tried to think of the most 'worthy' description I could give to that book.

I like to read, and these days I almost always have a number of books on the go, both physical and on my kindle app. For most of my life I have loved reading, although in my twenties and early thirties as my career demanded a lot of reading for work, the enjoyment of a good book certainly took a bit of a backseat. For the last few years, however, I have started reading again and most days will see me spending some time with my nose in a book. I have even rediscovered the joy of the public library!

These days my reading currently falls into two camps. Really thought-provoking things that I read to stretch my brain… and then romance (often with a slight air of smut) and stories of self-discovery (often with middle-aged female MCs).

It's a funny thing reading. On the one hand there is a degree of social superiority in being a 'reader', and days spent reading definitely feel like they have a little more legitimacy than a day spent doomscrolling.

But then people also have rather strong opinions about what we read, and given I am now supposedly an adult I feel like this scrutiny has certainly increased. It never ceases to make me chuckle when someone's approval at the fact I am a reader swiftly turns around to disdain when they hear what I am reading.

It sometimes begs the question – what does my choice in reading material say about me?

Reading books that 'matter'

When it comes to my choice in reading material, I seem to be caught between two sets of competing desires. The first is to challenge my thinking and look broader.

Now part of this is because I am unendingly curious (or nosy depending on who you ask) which means that I am rather prone to picking up weird and wonderful books and going "oh that seems interesting…". I would be lying if I said there wasn't a part of it, however, that is also linked to my desire to be 'intellectual' and live up to this picture in my head of what an intellectual person might read.

In the last few months I have read books on modern philosophy, a slower approach to productivity, hospitality and even story telling. All of these I picked up because they caught my fancy.

I have also tried and failed to finish others on topics ranging from AI to stoicism and money management. I am ashamed to admit the latter cohort were generally the ones that I picked up because I felt that as an intelligent man of almost 40 they are the type of book I should be reading. A lesson perhaps… but at least I felt good about myself momentarily for picking them up.

The non-fiction books I have finished have supplied me with many interesting thoughts and insights, stretching my brain in ways that feel indulgent. There is something to be said for reading for pure interest, which can feel delightfully indulgent particularly when the material has nothing to do with work, study, or some other form of legitimate personal development.

What they are is aids to escape and think about the world through lenses that I had never thought about. I love that part.

In defence of romance novels

This leads me to the other lead character of my reading pile… the romance novel. I love a good cosy read that is easy, enjoyable, and leaves me feeling happy and warm inside like a chocolate self-saucing pudding. And my favourite amongst them all is a romance novel.

I love a good romance novel, and I devour them. I am often laughed at for these choices, but I think I can make a good case for why this secretly loved but much maligned genre gets some unfairly negative press.

The general view of romance novels is that the stories they tell are frivolous, which in my view is preposterous. Romance novels strike at the heart of what it is to be human. Love and intimate relationships are two of the most human things we can experience. These emotions are at the heart of the human experience.

They have been around for generations, in every country and culture, and I think that's largely because there is something inherently real and relatable about love stories.

There is a part of me that thinks these stories are treated as lesser because they are about emotions and have been painted as the domain of women. The stench of misogyny is strong in that one.

And then again the stories that grapple with trust, overcoming hardship, personal development, and being brave enough to open up to another show many of the strongest and most admirable sides of humanity in my opinion.

The other criticism often levied at the genre is that they lack in literary quality. Yet again I would have to (dis)respectfully disagree.

I think there is something quite special about the way these novels come together. They generally lack too many characters, focussing on a single couple and a small group of side characters. The very nature of the story invites you to engage directly with the characters in a way that can be quite charming.

I would also argue that in the simplicity of romance novels there is also a wonderful illustration of the author's craft. The simplicity of the stories mean that how the book is written is plain to see, and an author can't hide poor writing or two-dimensional characters in amongst exciting plot twists or fantastical worlds.

Now I am not saying for a moment all romance books are equal. I have read many MANY ones that are quick and easy and light as candyfloss, with a corresponding quality of writing. And honestly those also have a place.

But the good ones from my favourite authors (please reach out if you want suggestions) have complex characters, witty banter and writing that can make you laugh out loud and cry all in the same book. The best ones leave me with food for thought about life, and once or twice they have even given me some deep wisdom that I carry with me (“…I want you to live your life properly. Remember what I said. No thin life.” by the always delightful Lily Morton is still a quote that I often ponder when reflecting on my own life).

So there you have it. I think a good romance novel stands up against any other story, and that's a hill I am willing to die on.

The ‘worthy’ books I won’t read (and why)

What is also interesting is the books I don't read, regardless of what anyone says about appropriate reading material for a man of my age.

Reflecting on those non-fiction books that languished on the coffee table, it's fair to say I gave up on them because they ultimately just feel like work. Getting through them was hard, and every page felt like a slog.

Sometimes I have to finish them, but 9/10 times when I find myself putting them down it’s because I just can’t be bothered with them anymore. And one of the things that age has taught me is that I am over reading things to make me feel like I am being sufficiently 'intellectual'.

The other thing I cannot bring myself to read is tragic stories. I feel that life and the world around me throws too much of that at us. I can't read books focused on the worst of humanity, because I choose to believe that is not inherently who we are as people.

This means I tend to avoid many books that are considered 'literature'. It means that to this day many of the classics, and almost anything that has won a major literary prize, don’t make it to my read pile.

In my heart of hearts I do not believe that books need to be hard to read or tragic in their content to have value. Positive emotions, happy stories, and a reflection of the good in humanity is worthwhile. I don't buy that we need to be cynical and angry at the world for something to have value.

That doesn't mean that the world is all roses and rainbows… I am perfectly aware of that. But in amongst all of that I think it's even braver and more beautiful to celebrate the good stories, the kindness and hope. That doesn't make us idealistic or naïve. I actually think that makes us braver.

What my reading pile says about me

Circling back to the question I started with, it is interesting to ponder what story my reading pile would tell. Most simply it probably reflects the way I see the world and my approach to life.

My reading pile reflects my love of learning, and in all the books I read there is an element of something that I hope will make me think. They also provide a way for me to disconnect from my day-to-day life and spend some time thinking and dreaming.

But most of all I think they reflect my view of the world, and the humanity that inhabits it, as something wonderful and worthwhile. My books make my life richer, and that is good enough for me.

Going back to my book in that waiting room, my answer was "it is a human-interest story, a biography of a woman finding joy in a summer in Paris". A book that I picked up because it seemed fun and escapist… and that is exactly what it has delivered. There's something liberating about reaching this age and finally reading what you want rather than what you think you should.

So what about you? Have your reading habits changed over the years? And what would your reading pile say about you?